Teach me how to let go

I keep a notebook, where I write ideas about blogging and while there were a lot of these ideas written down, I had no power to write in the past year or so, the muse did not visit me and I was stuck in the peculiar, the everyday, the little things, the wrong emotions.

As far as I remember, it all started in the summer of 2012 - the starting point of a series of events that were unexpectedly horrific and to a certain extent distressing. Slowly but steadily I could not enjoy anything, as I was too preoccupied with being worried. The more worried I was, the more things were going wrong. I even reached the point where I could predict how people would hurt me. People kept on failing me in both professional and personal life and I was so easily manipulated by their emotions. For example, when my friend X was happy we could enjoy a nice conversation and I was happy too. Then, my friend X would become rude to me out of the sudden and I would get hurt and become sad. I could not believe why people need to behave in such ways…what’s the whole point of living an inauthentic life after all? Trying to be an optimist in the greatest pessimistic period of my life, I was thinking of my “Hall of Fame” people, i.e. my boyfriend, my best friends and family, and that’s how I kept going.  Quotes did help too. Winston Churchill once said “If you go through Hell, keep going”. And so did I. 

One day, I was talking to my best friend, Nina, and I told her “Nina, what I really desire is to become this calm and serene person who will be so kind and give so much love to everybody, without being hurt by deleterious and harmful behaviours - just keep being in a positive state of calmness.”

And that was my first step to a better, more informed me. While until then, I could not believe how people could have behaved in the past, that was the time when I accepted that the past year was quite ugly. Worse than what others may have experienced, but also better than many others too. And then, I was grateful. I was grateful for all the good people in my life, my good health, my inner strength… I was grateful for so many and so much!

Of course things did not become suddenly amazing nor am I at the moment the calmest person on earth. The same people kept on behaving in the same way, and while I knew that I needed to change my attitude in order to become the person I aspired to be, I did not know how. I thought to stop talking to them. Yet, I couldn’t. With some people you have to keep a relationship, be that professional reasons, be that social pressure. Then I thought not to care about them. But that’s not who I am. The authentic me always cares, always gives.

The citizen of the box

I have come to realise that sometimes we can become tourists of the city, in which we live. Going only to “recommended” places, following specific routes, talking to a few handful of people are daily routines that save us precious time. Time, which we so skilfully manage to spend meeting deadlines, fulfilling responsibilities and setting up future goals. These necessary evils do not allow us the luxury of experimentation- the luxury of getting to know the area, in which we work, drive, commute...live. 

There is no time for  that.
We, then, inhabit but not live. We inhabit in a well-ventilated sunny and stable box, constructed by the "have to's" and "should do's".  Undoubtedly there are some people, who have a yearn for travelling. And they do travel. They visit other cities, other countries, even other continents...

An old story has it that a banker went on holidays with his family in a beautiful island. Everyday while he was enjoying the sun by the sea, he could see a fisherman returning from his work. One day he asked the fisherman why he never stayed longer in the sea to catch more fishes."What for?" replied the fisherman. Then, the banker eloquently explained that the fisherman could sell the additional fishes and soon enough he could buy a second boat. Slowly he could build a fleet and a successful business. With careful planning his company could even be listed in the New York Stock Exchange, and in about 25 years from now he could sell it and come back in that island to retire and fish for leisure. The fisherman gave a pat at the banker's back and before he walked away he said: "That's what I already have".

The fig tree

Kate moved from London to New York ten years ago to do a Master’s degree in Biochemistry- she felt in love with Rob and stayed here. She grew up in Greece, as everybody else from our family, and she used to built castles from wooden boxes underneath the fig tree, from which we used the figs to make traditional homemade marmalade.

Last night I visited Kate for our usual Friday afternoon tea. I brought her one of the last jars of fig marmalade – to our own disappointment that fig tree has grown old now and although still alive, it no longer produces any fruits.  Nevertheless, yesterday was a special occasion that needed a special gift… we had to discuss all the details of the birth of her first son!

-Oh Mary, you shouldn’t have brought me anything really, I am just happy you are here!

-My pleasure, dear, always.

At the age of 41, having already brought up 3 kids,  I was very experienced with the concept of labour. I knew about the heaviness in the pelvis when the baby drops, the contractions, the baby kicks… But, anyways, I wanted to be there for Kate. She was my favourite niece and the only relative I had left in the States. For my good luck, I had my mum helping me with all my three pregnancies. I remember she used to find New York amazing, but no longer for people of her age. Although mum and dad had lived in Manhattan at his very early career, I knew that she was actually going out of her comfort zone to come back here. She had to leave dad and their lovely Cretan house by the sea in order to come in noisy and fast-moving New York. But she did and I am so grateful to her. So, now, with Kate’s pregnancy, I feel it is my turn to help someone I love.

The afternoon was full of questions:

-What if the baby won’t cry straight ahead? ..What if it will hurt so much that I will want to die?...What if Rob faints?.....From 1 to 10, how intense were your labor pains, auntie Mary?

Although Kate had gone through all these questions again and again with her doctor, she wanted the reassurance from someone who was carrying the same genes.

-The pain is intense, darling, but the joy of holding your newborn baby is beyond description! Be patient, persevere and everything will go well!

Kate was smiling at me and her big blue green eyes were shining gloriously. 

The time passed quickly and by 18.30, Harry was already waiting for me in the car. I hugged her warmly and gave her my last advice:

Sweetheart, the fig marmalade I brought is a symbolic gift. Do you remember our fig tree in Greece? Your grandfather bought the seed and he planted it at the back yard of the house. As he had to leave to the UK for work, he asked your great grandmother to take care of it. And she did. She was watering it, giving fertilizers to it, she even bided it to a wooden stick to help it grow. And the fig tree grew tall and strong and gave many many memories to our family. How many times haven’t you hide behind that tree when you were playing hide and seek with your cousins? How many times haven’t you sat underneath it and shared your thoughts, your secrets? Today, I brought you one of the last jars of the marmalade we made from the last figs of that tree. Be to your son like this tree has been to our family. Welcoming, kind, giving, nurturing. Be there to listen, to protect, to give. Be his safety net, his link to the past, his sweet mum.

I wiped the tears off her swollen from pregnancy chicks and kissed her goodbye.

-Thank you, she whispered.

-Love you, I whispered back and hug her tightly.

Photo Sources:

1. http://www.pomonafruits.co.uk/images/

2. Pexels

A letter to a friend

and I remember the Days and the nights, the winters the summers the falls that we passed together,
my friend.
I remember how I always felt you were a bird with big wings, under the shadows of which I was playing hide & seek.
my friend,
although we may not talk so often any more, you know you are an everyday thought of mine.

I remember your kind Eyes.. warm, deep, real. don't try to hide them, my friend.

your laughter Echoes in my ears... so genuine! your honest interest about your fellows- oh, I must be blessed to have met you! :)

how much you loved life, my friend!
you still do, right? Promise me, that.

oh my friend..
to what distant voyages has your heart taken you?
how long until you will unlock the hidden wishes. . .

I hope Angels will guide your way, my friend.

we will meet again,
it may or may not be an 11th of august, but we will celebrate.

until next time, my sweetest and kindest friend,
Kudos for what you have already achieved and...many happy returns.



Photo Source: http://piccsy.com/2012/04/kiss-m7pcuhed

Be proactive, when in love

'Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own'.

How beautifully Rovert Anson Heinlein describes love, in his book Stranger in a Strange Land (1961). And how concisely he highlights the topic, which I would like to discuss today... what is the secret for a love to last? Is it realistic for a love to grow stronger day by day?

And I don't talk about the fairy-tale Disney love, I mean the realistic love in a realistic relationship.

I observe people around me falling in love, being happy, being content and then, being angry, disturbed...out of love.

Why? I ask myself. If two individuals have been lucky enough to experience mutual love, why and how could they let this flee?

Routine, some will say. Carreer responsibilities, others will insist. The list could be endless, but what could we do to prevent this? What could save a relationship from becoming rotten?

My response to this is proactivity!

Heinlein's quote shows that when our intimate other is happy, we are happy as well. Thus, we should think in advance! Will this action hurt my partner? Will that talk cause troubles as I don't really mean it? Am I just messing with his/her nerves?  Am I really willing to do something that may have irreversible consequences? 

Most importantly.. will he/she be happy? If our loved one is happy, this is mirrored back to us...

Their smile is our heaven! 

...or is it not?

4 hugs a day!

In the beginning of January, I was discussing with a couple of friends about new year's resolutions..then, I don't know how, but we changed our discussion into 'hugs' and their importance in our life. 

At that time, I had, recently, read a quote by Virginia Satir, pioneer in Family Therapy, according to whom, we need 4 hugs a day for survival; 8 hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth.

Reflecting on my childhood memories, where mum's hug was the safest shelter in the world, this quote does make sense. Nevertheless, my adult part needs some more evidence...Thus, I made a small internet research into the topic and found a lot of scientific journals talking about the positive effects a hug can create in heart rates, blood pressure, hormone production and more. My aim, here, is not to elaborate on medical terms, but to spread the word that 'Hugs do good!' :)    

Don't hesitate, allow yourselves to get a 'shot of health' everyday! 

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

My dear friend,

I am writing to you cause I feel you need a helping hand – even though I may be miles away...

It’s been days, now, that I am thinking of your sensitive heart and I am wondering what may have happened to you. I don’t know, but I won’t ask. I am just going to sit next to you, imaginarily, and tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a sweet girl with a happy heart named Katie. She was born happy and nature endowed her with kindness and affection. Growing up in an environment full of love and understanding, Katie realised that she could get easily hurt by people who were clumsy in their behaving... Nevertheless, she wanted to grow wiser; so she sailed away to a remote island. There, she met a lot of different people from diverse tribes and nations. She started learning habits from other cultures and her awareness of diversity increased.  She understood that people are very different and that many times one should make the effort and give the other person the chance to explain him or herself.

Everything was going well and Katie started feeling like home! But at that particular time, Katie got hurt from a person, whom she perceived as a friend. And this happens in life... But Katie had a sensitive heart and could not forget that incident. She started becoming less sociable; trying to focus only on her purpose of being in that island, that is, to become wiser. She needed a sign...something to make her happy again.

As Katie could not see any sign soon, she decided to leave the island. Before she was about to board the ship, that would bring her back to her motherland, she stopped for a moment to think all the good and bad memories she was taking with her, as lessons for life.