Teach me how to let go

I keep a notebook, where I write ideas about blogging and while there were a lot of these ideas written down, I had no power to write in the past year or so, the muse did not visit me and I was stuck in the peculiar, the everyday, the little things, the wrong emotions.

As far as I remember, it all started in the summer of 2012 - the starting point of a series of events that were unexpectedly horrific and to a certain extent distressing. Slowly but steadily I could not enjoy anything, as I was too preoccupied with being worried. The more worried I was, the more things were going wrong. I even reached the point where I could predict how people would hurt me. People kept on failing me in both professional and personal life and I was so easily manipulated by their emotions. For example, when my friend X was happy we could enjoy a nice conversation and I was happy too. Then, my friend X would become rude to me out of the sudden and I would get hurt and become sad. I could not believe why people need to behave in such ways…what’s the whole point of living an inauthentic life after all? Trying to be an optimist in the greatest pessimistic period of my life, I was thinking of my “Hall of Fame” people, i.e. my boyfriend, my best friends and family, and that’s how I kept going.  Quotes did help too. Winston Churchill once said “If you go through Hell, keep going”. And so did I. 

One day, I was talking to my best friend, Nina, and I told her “Nina, what I really desire is to become this calm and serene person who will be so kind and give so much love to everybody, without being hurt by deleterious and harmful behaviours - just keep being in a positive state of calmness.”

And that was my first step to a better, more informed me. While until then, I could not believe how people could have behaved in the past, that was the time when I accepted that the past year was quite ugly. Worse than what others may have experienced, but also better than many others too. And then, I was grateful. I was grateful for all the good people in my life, my good health, my inner strength… I was grateful for so many and so much!

Of course things did not become suddenly amazing nor am I at the moment the calmest person on earth. The same people kept on behaving in the same way, and while I knew that I needed to change my attitude in order to become the person I aspired to be, I did not know how. I thought to stop talking to them. Yet, I couldn’t. With some people you have to keep a relationship, be that professional reasons, be that social pressure. Then I thought not to care about them. But that’s not who I am. The authentic me always cares, always gives.

The citizen of the box

I have come to realise that sometimes we can become tourists of the city, in which we live. Going only to “recommended” places, following specific routes, talking to a few handful of people are daily routines that save us precious time. Time, which we so skilfully manage to spend meeting deadlines, fulfilling responsibilities and setting up future goals. These necessary evils do not allow us the luxury of experimentation- the luxury of getting to know the area, in which we work, drive, commute...live. 

There is no time for  that.
We, then, inhabit but not live. We inhabit in a well-ventilated sunny and stable box, constructed by the "have to's" and "should do's".  Undoubtedly there are some people, who have a yearn for travelling. And they do travel. They visit other cities, other countries, even other continents...

An old story has it that a banker went on holidays with his family in a beautiful island. Everyday while he was enjoying the sun by the sea, he could see a fisherman returning from his work. One day he asked the fisherman why he never stayed longer in the sea to catch more fishes."What for?" replied the fisherman. Then, the banker eloquently explained that the fisherman could sell the additional fishes and soon enough he could buy a second boat. Slowly he could build a fleet and a successful business. With careful planning his company could even be listed in the New York Stock Exchange, and in about 25 years from now he could sell it and come back in that island to retire and fish for leisure. The fisherman gave a pat at the banker's back and before he walked away he said: "That's what I already have".

The fig tree

Kate moved from London to New York ten years ago to do a Master’s degree in Biochemistry- she felt in love with Rob and stayed here. She grew up in Greece, as everybody else from our family, and she used to built castles from wooden boxes underneath the fig tree, from which we used the figs to make traditional homemade marmalade.

Last night I visited Kate for our usual Friday afternoon tea. I brought her one of the last jars of fig marmalade – to our own disappointment that fig tree has grown old now and although still alive, it no longer produces any fruits.  Nevertheless, yesterday was a special occasion that needed a special gift… we had to discuss all the details of the birth of her first son!

-Oh Mary, you shouldn’t have brought me anything really, I am just happy you are here!

-My pleasure, dear, always.

At the age of 41, having already brought up 3 kids,  I was very experienced with the concept of labour. I knew about the heaviness in the pelvis when the baby drops, the contractions, the baby kicks… But, anyways, I wanted to be there for Kate. She was my favourite niece and the only relative I had left in the States. For my good luck, I had my mum helping me with all my three pregnancies. I remember she used to find New York amazing, but no longer for people of her age. Although mum and dad had lived in Manhattan at his very early career, I knew that she was actually going out of her comfort zone to come back here. She had to leave dad and their lovely Cretan house by the sea in order to come in noisy and fast-moving New York. But she did and I am so grateful to her. So, now, with Kate’s pregnancy, I feel it is my turn to help someone I love.

The afternoon was full of questions:

-What if the baby won’t cry straight ahead? ..What if it will hurt so much that I will want to die?...What if Rob faints?.....From 1 to 10, how intense were your labor pains, auntie Mary?

Although Kate had gone through all these questions again and again with her doctor, she wanted the reassurance from someone who was carrying the same genes.

-The pain is intense, darling, but the joy of holding your newborn baby is beyond description! Be patient, persevere and everything will go well!

Kate was smiling at me and her big blue green eyes were shining gloriously. 

The time passed quickly and by 18.30, Harry was already waiting for me in the car. I hugged her warmly and gave her my last advice:

Sweetheart, the fig marmalade I brought is a symbolic gift. Do you remember our fig tree in Greece? Your grandfather bought the seed and he planted it at the back yard of the house. As he had to leave to the UK for work, he asked your great grandmother to take care of it. And she did. She was watering it, giving fertilizers to it, she even bided it to a wooden stick to help it grow. And the fig tree grew tall and strong and gave many many memories to our family. How many times haven’t you hide behind that tree when you were playing hide and seek with your cousins? How many times haven’t you sat underneath it and shared your thoughts, your secrets? Today, I brought you one of the last jars of the marmalade we made from the last figs of that tree. Be to your son like this tree has been to our family. Welcoming, kind, giving, nurturing. Be there to listen, to protect, to give. Be his safety net, his link to the past, his sweet mum.

I wiped the tears off her swollen from pregnancy chicks and kissed her goodbye.

-Thank you, she whispered.

-Love you, I whispered back and hug her tightly.

Photo Sources:

1. http://www.pomonafruits.co.uk/images/

2. Pexels

A letter to a friend

and I remember the Days and the nights, the winters the summers the falls that we passed together,
my friend.
I remember how I always felt you were a bird with big wings, under the shadows of which I was playing hide & seek.
my friend,
although we may not talk so often any more, you know you are an everyday thought of mine.

I remember your kind Eyes.. warm, deep, real. don't try to hide them, my friend.

your laughter Echoes in my ears... so genuine! your honest interest about your fellows- oh, I must be blessed to have met you! :)

how much you loved life, my friend!
you still do, right? Promise me, that.

oh my friend..
to what distant voyages has your heart taken you?
how long until you will unlock the hidden wishes. . .

I hope Angels will guide your way, my friend.

we will meet again,
it may or may not be an 11th of august, but we will celebrate.

until next time, my sweetest and kindest friend,
Kudos for what you have already achieved and...many happy returns.



Photo Source: http://piccsy.com/2012/04/kiss-m7pcuhed

Be proactive, when in love

'Love is the condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own'.

How beautifully Rovert Anson Heinlein describes love, in his book Stranger in a Strange Land (1961). And how concisely he highlights the topic, which I would like to discuss today... what is the secret for a love to last? Is it realistic for a love to grow stronger day by day?

And I don't talk about the fairy-tale Disney love, I mean the realistic love in a realistic relationship.

I observe people around me falling in love, being happy, being content and then, being angry, disturbed...out of love.

Why? I ask myself. If two individuals have been lucky enough to experience mutual love, why and how could they let this flee?

Routine, some will say. Carreer responsibilities, others will insist. The list could be endless, but what could we do to prevent this? What could save a relationship from becoming rotten?

My response to this is proactivity!

Heinlein's quote shows that when our intimate other is happy, we are happy as well. Thus, we should think in advance! Will this action hurt my partner? Will that talk cause troubles as I don't really mean it? Am I just messing with his/her nerves?  Am I really willing to do something that may have irreversible consequences? 

Most importantly.. will he/she be happy? If our loved one is happy, this is mirrored back to us...

Their smile is our heaven! 

...or is it not?

4 hugs a day!

In the beginning of January, I was discussing with a couple of friends about new year's resolutions..then, I don't know how, but we changed our discussion into 'hugs' and their importance in our life. 

At that time, I had, recently, read a quote by Virginia Satir, pioneer in Family Therapy, according to whom, we need 4 hugs a day for survival; 8 hugs a day for maintenance and 12 hugs a day for growth.

Reflecting on my childhood memories, where mum's hug was the safest shelter in the world, this quote does make sense. Nevertheless, my adult part needs some more evidence...Thus, I made a small internet research into the topic and found a lot of scientific journals talking about the positive effects a hug can create in heart rates, blood pressure, hormone production and more. My aim, here, is not to elaborate on medical terms, but to spread the word that 'Hugs do good!' :)    

Don't hesitate, allow yourselves to get a 'shot of health' everyday! 

A smooth sea never made a skilled mariner.

My dear friend,

I am writing to you cause I feel you need a helping hand – even though I may be miles away...

It’s been days, now, that I am thinking of your sensitive heart and I am wondering what may have happened to you. I don’t know, but I won’t ask. I am just going to sit next to you, imaginarily, and tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a sweet girl with a happy heart named Katie. She was born happy and nature endowed her with kindness and affection. Growing up in an environment full of love and understanding, Katie realised that she could get easily hurt by people who were clumsy in their behaving... Nevertheless, she wanted to grow wiser; so she sailed away to a remote island. There, she met a lot of different people from diverse tribes and nations. She started learning habits from other cultures and her awareness of diversity increased.  She understood that people are very different and that many times one should make the effort and give the other person the chance to explain him or herself.

Everything was going well and Katie started feeling like home! But at that particular time, Katie got hurt from a person, whom she perceived as a friend. And this happens in life... But Katie had a sensitive heart and could not forget that incident. She started becoming less sociable; trying to focus only on her purpose of being in that island, that is, to become wiser. She needed a sign...something to make her happy again.

As Katie could not see any sign soon, she decided to leave the island. Before she was about to board the ship, that would bring her back to her motherland, she stopped for a moment to think all the good and bad memories she was taking with her, as lessons for life.

A new year, I'm still here! :)

Hello everybody!! Happy New 2012! : )



It's been a loooooong time!!

I know, I know... I haven't been posting lately, but my mind has been a maze the past couple of months!

However, January is a classic month for resolutions! And here I am, keeping one of mine, for this year. I love writing, I want to write, I feel better after writing, so why not I do a favour to myself and write at least once a week? :) However hard it may be to express my thoughts, however difficult to find time, I shall write once a week. Cause that's what makes me happy!


What makes you happy? Did you make any new year's resolutions regarding things/people/situations that make you happy? Did you make any resolutions at all?

Saudade

Saudade:
a Portuguese and Galician word for a feeling of nostagic longing for something or someone that one was fond of and which has been lost. It often carries a fatalist tone and a repressed knowledge that the object of longing might never really return. It was once described as "the love that remains" or "the love that stays" after someone is gone. (source)

.   .   .  

Preethi had to leave back to India as her Postgraduate Visa was due. She first arrived in Uk three years ago to study a Master's degree. She did her Master's and at the same time she created a whole new life here..friends, job, appartment.

Have you ever experienced the departure of someone special for you?

Nadia left,as well, two years ago. She decided to go back to Jordan not because of Visa requirements (she is half Brittish anyways), but because she wanted to go back where she was born. She, too, left a whole life (12 years) and had to start all over... new friends, job, house.

It is always hard, isn't it?

One of the most difficult processes one has to pass is to say goodbye to a very good friend. And it is hard for both the person who leaves and the one who stays back. The hardest part is not that specific moment of 'goodbye' that can be easily faked behind a 'statuesque' smile. It's the conceptualisation that nothing will be the same again..and this is a whole process. Allow me to explain...

Laughing Out Loudly

Hello world!

I hope life is treating you well :)

Today, I would like to share with you my thoughts about laughing, laughing out loud! A friend of mine, PJ, is giggling half of the day and she inspired me to write this post! :)

How many times a day do you smile? How many times do you realy laugh?

Did you know that laughter reduces the stress hormones and increases the number of antibody-producing cells? Are you aware that laughter is contagious and by bringing more laughter in your life, you, also, improve the mood of those around you?

Photo Source:  http://marchyourfeet.wordpress.com/ 

As Milton Brene once said "Laughter is an instant vacation" and it trully is! When we laugh, we don't think about any problems, any difficulties! When we are rolling in the aisles, we just enjoy the moment; we feel stress no more, we are happy! 

For me the best laugh is the one that comes from the heart! It leaves you in a state of euphoria, like you have just meditated! This type of laugh is easily observed in little children, who are giggling with almost everything they see! : ) : ) Well, I guess we should learn from those little angels and invite some laughter in our life!

Hidden truths in forgotten bags

Have you ever used a bag after a long time ago?

Isn't it great when you find that pen you were looking for everywhere, or that small notebook? Have you ever found money and felt 'wow, that's a gift'!?  I really enjoy it when it happens! :)

Well, some months ago, I started using again a white handbag I have got (since it was summer!). Inside, I found a lot of interesting objects (like a keychain!). However, when I unzipped the inner pocket, I discovered some forgotten post-it notes, on which I used to write down my thoughts one year ago - whenever I did not have any notebook with me.One specific note draw my attention:

"Two people reach the massive forest which is run through by the river Amazon.

One of them open his hands and feels he is the king of the world, since he managed to reach this place.The other one, open his hands too, but he feels he is a tiny piece of the amazing cosmos.

I value and appreciate both of them."

I remember very well when I wrote down this quote one year ago; I wanted to give merit to diversity.There are different personalities in the world and people react different in similar situations. Nevertheless, every single person is valuable and has lessons to teach and to be taught.

Today, I feel it is time to enhance my story with the 'lessons' of the year passed. That is,

I can see a third person, who reaches this forest by the river Amazon and feels like ... home. 

No feelings of awe, of pride, or of fear. Just appreciation of the beautiful nature. An internal feeling of warmth; inspiration. Inspiration that can be transformed into action. Not loudly or swaggeringly, but silently and peacefully. Action that could be depicted in a drawing, written in a book, sung with a song...

What images an apricot can bring to mind?

Today, I would like to share with you a short film written and directed by Ben Briand. You may find it at Vimeo by clicking here.

Apart from being an excellent artwork (in my opinion at least!), it is a great narrative that explains that we shouldn't take anything for granted and that..who knows with whom we will be having a coffee in 10 or 20 years time... 

Enjoy life! :)

The battle of the sexes, Volume 1!

I named this post "Volume 1", as I know more will come regarding this subject!


Today, I just would like to post a quote I stumbled upon the web:

A woman came out of a man's rib,

Not from his feet to be walked on,

Not from his head to be superior over,

But from his side to be equal. 

Under his arm to be protected

& next to his heart to be loved.

This quote is attributed to the Hebrew Talmud.
Although a short parable, it captures exactly the female nature!!

Equal, protected and loved...succinct but full of meaning! : )


Have a nice day, everybody!

Have you fed your soul lately?

Hello! :)

I was wondering today...how do we feed our soul?
I think there are a lot of different ways, but one of them is a r t ! :)

Have you been occupied with something artistic lately? For instance, you could draw a painting, write a song, take some photos, decorate your room...

For me, art is to do something in a different way than everybody else does.. to give a different meaning to objects & actions that seem ordinary to other people... For instance, you could tidy your clothes in your closet in such a creative way, that you feel there's a touch of art there! :)

Instead of doing repeated, everyday movements for ordinary habits, you may want to put some colour in your life! In this way, life does not go by thoughtlessly, but you feel everyday you have done something different for you! Of course, at work or at other responsibilities, a big percentage of us are 'obliged' to do something different or extraordinary.. but what about our personal life? What about the time when we are just with ourselves?

Do you spend time with yourself? Doing something you really enjoy and not only 'survival' movements, such as showering, brushing your teeth and eating breakfast?!
Sometimes, when I forget to feed my soul... routine makes me feel 'un-human', a robot!
The best remedy is to do something 'artistic' everyday. Even cooking could be art, if you don't see it only as a 'survival' action! : )

If you are afraid/shy and don't know how to start, why don't you get yourselves inspired? Read books, listen to the music, go to art galleries.... this time, though, the aim will not be to fill  your spare time but to find your muse, to get inspired!

Apart from the above, I find inspiration in 'real' persons and in 'real' feelings...have you ever thought to draw the feeling of anxiety you have before a very important meeting? It could be so nice, that you may even like to frame it! :) Have you ever thought to create a dish that will express your feelings for another person? I bet the result will be amazing and even the greatest chefs will be jealous!

So, go ahead and try! : ) Feed your soul today with some art!

This is not a love story, it is a story about Love.

Once upon a time, all human feelings and qualities gathered in one corner of the world. When Boredom yawned the third time, Insanity suggested: "Let's play hide and seek!". Intrigue raised it’s eyebrow intrigued, and Curiosity without contain, asked: "Hide and seek? How do you play that?". Insanity explained that she will close her eyes and count to a million, while the rest will run to hide.

Enthusiasm danced enthusiastically together with Euphoria, while Happiness gave so many leaps that ended up convincing even Doubt. Only Apathy, who was never interested in anything, refused to participate in the game. Truth decided not to hide, since in the end it is always found; Pride thought it as a foolish game (it actually bothered her that the idea wasn't hers) and Cowardice didn't want to risk.

-One, two, three.... Insanity started to count. 

The first one to hide was Laziness, who let her self fall to the first rock on the way. Faith rose and hid in heaven and Envy hid in the shade of Triumph, who all by itself climbed to the top of the tallest tree.

Nobleness couldn't find quickly a good spot, because every spot it found was perfect for its friends:

A crystal clear lake for Beauty.

Cleft of the tree for Fear.

Butterfly wing for Sensuality.

A whiff of breeze for Liberty.

In the end, Nobleness hid in a sun ray.

Fairness and love

When I was a kid, I used to be very fair-minded. I used to base my relationships in justice, as I thought that is the best way to deal with people and situations. Innocent and pure at heart, as I was, I could not understand why individuals act in a non-fair way. For instance, I could not understand why my mother was spending only little amount of her time praising my good marks and so much of her time trying to help my brother to raise his marks.

One summer night, while I was in children' camp, my team leader and me had a very nice chat. During that conversation, I remember, she turned to me and said: "Margie, you spend too much time being fair and you forget about love". I was shocked! I couldn't believe that someone could perceive me as a non that loving person! In reality I knew I was caring and loving from inside, but after reflecting on her words, I could understand what she wanted to say to me. A whole new world appeared in front of me!

Love is discriminatory. One should not treat an acquaintance in the same way as a friend. One should not treat his/her significant other in the same way as someone else. Love forgives and love spoils. This is not necessarily good nor is bad. It is just the way it is... That night I realised that my preoccupation to be objective and fair did not allow me to treat the people I loved, with love! Which means that ultimately I was being unfair to them!

What I decided from that time was to be fair in the way I show my love to other people!  For my beloved ones I spend much more time/effort/attention than for acquaintances. I am more willing to do sacrifices for them, fight for them and I do forgive them more easily! :)

Of course, the circle of beloved ones is sacred...it is a two way process, in which you both receive and send back love. Undoubtedly, disappointments do exist. I do encounter people that let me down, but, on the other hand, my cute bunch of beloved ones have not! :) Don't they deserve a special treatment? I believe that the ones they do, they will not get spoiled; they will just appreciate. As I appreciate their love as well.

We have a set amount of energy and time everyday. May it be spent wisely.

A quick game for today!

Hi everybody  : ) 


today I think we should nurture our mind and soul with something entertaining! 

SO below you will find a find-a-word crossword!


What you have to do? You need to find 3 words! Any words! 


These words are the ones that describe your psychological condition right now!

Did it work? 


I think for me it did! :P When I played this game two days ago,the first words I found were "leave", "rage" & "passion". And I was feeling exactly like this!! I wanted to go on holidays, I was angry with a situation and passionate with my work!


So, as soon as I realised that, I asked myself all these 'why' questions.. 'why you want to go on holidays?', 'why you are angry with this?', 'why you love your work?'..

'Whys' are tricky, since they allow you to think about the cause! Is that cause important for you? If yes, then you are on the right track! If no, then why bother? :))) 

Do you want to succeed?

Maybe you are wondering how some people are able always to make it!

How come some individuals always find a way (a decent and fair way) to achieve their goals? To succeed??

I think the attribute that they possess more than others is called

d e t e r m i n a t i o n ! 

These people are determined to reach their goal no matter how difficult it is, no matter what they have to sacrifice! But, be careful! 

If you want to be like them and toachieve your objectives always you need to make sure:

a. To prioritise correctly. Just because an activity is more important for others, this doesn't mean it is as important for you!

b. To sacrifice other things. A day has 24 hours and they are enough to do our first priorities. 

So, if you really want to perform well at work, you may need to spend some more hours there until you learn to do some activities automatically. If you want to become an excellent salsa dancer, you need to go to the lessons every single time and decline any other invitations from friends that specific day. Similarly, if you want to pass your exams with a very good mark, you need to invest quite a substantial amount of time studying.This means sharing less time with friends, watching films, etc.

But, will you?? You need to think very well what makes you happy! And that should be your first priority! =))

And don't cheat! I mean what makes you happy in the long term! Make sacrifices for what or for whom is worth making sacrifices for!

I am very sure that while you are reading this, you have just had in mind one activity/person/thing that should be your priority! : )

Go for it!

And me, I will give you this motivational quote as a pat on the back! So far it is the most encouraging quote I have ever seen.. it is written by Matthew Napier, who also holds a blogspot account.


The quote tells you why he succeeds...that's determination, isn't it?! 





What about you? 

I suggest you come back to this post, every now and then, to get some boost for your motivation! :))  

Now, that you found your priority, are you determined? Take a deep breath...GO! ! !

You 're gonna make it!

Sources:

Quote in Black Font written by Matthew Napier: http://matthewnapier.blogspot.co.uk/2010/03/why-do-i-succeed.html

Are you the artist of your own life?

Good morning! :))

It's been a week since my last post, but now I have been inspired again and "I will write all down", as Shakespeare said in his Cymbeline II. =)

Yesterday, Maya Aggelou, an American author and poet, posted on her facebook status: "Life is pure adventure, and the sooner we realized that, the quicker we will be able to treat life as art". Wow!! What a quote!! 

Indeed, life is an adventure, our own one. We are the ones that decide if we will use crayons or watercolours. We may not get the colour we thought we would, but it's in our will to appreciate the new, 'unexpected' colour, find it beautiful or hate it forever. 

They say that an artist finds beautiful what everybody else finds it weird..and this could be an image, a song, a feeling, even an experience. We don't have to regret about past mistakes in our life- they taught us a lot.. actually never encounter them as mistakes..they are opportunities to fully experience life! =)

With the above quote, I feel that Maya Aggelou urges us not to be afraid to live! She invites us to experience life without fears,  to write our own song lyrics and sing it in our own special way. An artist experiences days of inspiration and flow, and days filled with boredom, without any ideas or motivation. And that is o.k. =) Artists know that inspiration comes and goes, like a life cycle..

I conclude with a quote from Seneca: "The whole future lies in uncertainty. Live immediately". So, till the next time, treat life as art - live imnmediately! : )

What is that?

Ok, today I have been writing a lot for my PhD (yeap, I do one of this!) so I want to share with you a short-film of 5:31 minutes without comments. .

I will let you make your own thoughts, draw your own conclusions, but I am sure the film will make you look at things quite differently!

Till the next time.. enjoy life! : )